You know what, kiddo? I'm like you. I don't belong here any more than you do, and each day makes that so much more brutally apparent. Humans are transitory...hell, the physical existence is so by nature. You live with it, or not, as you choose. But whining about things "disappearing" does absolutely nothing for you...understand that it will happen, as an integral part of life. Then move on. I think that your incarnation here was an unfortunate mistake, but this is just your temporary reality...you have great things waiting for you when you've lived out your life here. You have things to live for yet...so stop with the melodrama. As I said before, help is on the way...if you are open to it. If you're as locked down as you feel, you won't sense their presence. And you should know that, at the moment, the people I've sent shouldn't even be awake...they're risking their sanity and wholeness for you. "Nobody cares about you", eh? That holds true for the physical, perhaps...not the other levels. This is your family, kid; family is everything. I know...trust me on this.

--
"In the beginning the universe was created. This angered many and was widely considered to be a bad move."

-The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy


**There is no greater curse than memory.

well, it depends, You may seem nothing to yourself, when looking from the pespective of the rest of the world, don't esteem yourself using THEIR marks, just create your own, fuck the things that THEY do, if you don't see anything for you in this world it's all becouse this is not your world, i mean that this is the world you have been given, why do you want to love for example?just deny the things you get, reach out for your own world without looking around, name things once more in your way, shape your own reality, this is the first step to create you own life,don't try to be like everyone else, its impossible, don't even try to be like someone else, coz it won't stop the ache, be yourself is all that you can do, be yourself in your own way in the world that you shape...

maybe it's not exactly a response to this entry, but I think that this in some way can be an answer to your problems... atleast i hope so...

oh... one more thing, what i've written is in someway the base of nihilism, as a nihilist, not happy but quite content about my life, i recomend this lifestyle to anyone whit similar problems that I had....


sorry for the mistakes...

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...A king in my own mind...

…I wish to ask…the ones who you have sent…will I be able to sense their presence…if others are in the same room?…I mean…I would think that they would come, when others are far…and at night…but I am not able to be alone, unless others are home and I am in the Tree…or I can go to the Cemetery, but not at night…how will they be able to approach me?…

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With the Heart of a Wolf, Raven feels Strength and Courage....with the Heart of a Raven, Wolf feels Guidance and Wisdom...Together in this Eternal Embrace, we are all Connected to One another...and with this Connection, we shall never be broken...

thank you…it is hard for me to walk this world, without my…constant observations and open mind…
I can’t ignore or deny anything in this life…but I can stay true to myself and this Earth…
As for Nihilism…I will look into that more…but I won’t confine myself to any one belief system or religion…no matter what it is…

--
With the Heart of a Wolf, Raven feels Strength and Courage....with the Heart of a Raven, Wolf feels Guidance and Wisdom...Together in this Eternal Embrace, we are all Connected to One another...and with this Connection, we shall never be broken...

well, it isn't a religion neither a belief system... but i think that when you'll look into it you will know what i mean...

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...A king in my own mind...

I don't know...that depends on them. I don't dictate their actions. They can be there without you detecting them, or even simply be there without speaking. You are their child; work it out with them. But one thing is for certain--with them present, you aren't alone anymore. They will, in a sense, take your soul with them for a month; your body and the humans around you may not notice this change, but any soul reader will pick it up. Enough residual personality will remain to give the impression of someone being "home" to those who don't know how to look.

--
"In the beginning the universe was created. This angered many and was widely considered to be a bad move."

-The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy


**There is no greater curse than memory.

thank you....I will wait for them...

--
With the Heart of a Wolf, Raven feels Strength and Courage....with the Heart of a Raven, Wolf feels Guidance and Wisdom...Together in this Eternal Embrace, we are all Connected to One another...and with this Connection, we shall never be broken...

Actually, they're already with you...or at least headed that direction. Pay attention...see if you feel any different.

--
"In the beginning the universe was created. This angered many and was widely considered to be a bad move."

-The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy


**There is no greater curse than memory.

...I do feel something...although I can't explain it, I feel something just thinking about them...I feel as if they are here right now...

--
With the Heart of a Wolf, Raven feels Strength and Courage....with the Heart of a Raven, Wolf feels Guidance and Wisdom...Together in this Eternal Embrace, we are all Connected to One another...and with this Connection, we shall never be broken...